In a ruling last December, the ASA said the claims in both advertisements were unsubstantiated and misleading. It said that Reebok had not provided "robust, scientific evidence" to support the claims, which were based on the results of an unpublished study carried out on behalf of the trainer manufacturer. The top slot was always going to have be the good ol' Shake Weight, which is so brilliant it achieved the highest accolade something stupid can: it was satirised on South Park. But even without the support of Stan's mom, Shake Weight was already a viral success thanks to its ingenius suggestion that male masturbation and giving hand jobs will "force your muscles to contract 240 times a minute" (apparently, a good thing) and works by "harnessing the power of dynamic inertia" which sounds a little like being "smart/dumb" or "fat/thin." There is a fine line – maybe even no line – when it comes to this genre of advertising between promoting exercise and making lycra-clad porn, and the CircleGlide treads that thin line like a drunk trying to walk straight in front of a cop. Ah, there's something about watching near-naked women twist and writhe around a pole that really make me feel like turning off my TV doing some exercise. That the inventor of this amazing machine ("that wittles away your middle," or at least your bank account), a chap by the name of Tony Little, resembles every ugly porn actor in the world, ever, is the glacé cherry on top. Ooh, more ladies having sex! I mean, using another piece of exercise equipment. Women, do you want to ride what is basically a mechanical bull in the comfort of your own home? Then the Osim Gallop is for you! This is perhaps the most perfect exercise infomercial ever conceived as it combines the whole ladies-acting-a-bit-porny trope with the basic American desire to exercise without getting off one's ass.

But the US settlement follows a similar case in the UK where the Advertising Standards Authority banned a magazine advert about Reebok EasyTone Curve trainers and barred a TV advertisement from being broadcast again without substantial revisions. But NonTone lumpyshoes, as Reebok's footwear perhaps ought to be known in this brave new world of honesty in which the sports shoe must now reside, are hardly the only indicators of a desire for fitness without doing what is conventionally considered exercise. Fantasy coupled with greed, rather than necessity, are, in the world of exercise equipment and infomercials in particular, the parents of invention.So here, using the same rigorous scientific testing as an inventor of a lumpy flip-flop, are the official top five daftest examples of the beauty of capitalism. Remember: 60% of the time, it works every time.